First They Killed Our Nicknames.

Written By Aaron Tyler

Did they think we wouldn’t notice?

Fox Footy has quietly introduced a nickname ban. A full name policy. A commentary cleanse. And it’s jarring to say the least.

This kind of formality belongs in courtrooms, couples arguments, or the one or two times in a 20 year friendship where we had to be serious for a moment.

With some of broadcast team describing the tweak as a “shock to the system” and “...one of the more difficult things I’ve had to do.”, it’s hard not to see this move as taking something away. And hard to watch.

Like dehumanised prisoners who get their name replaced with a number, a full commentary team using christian names, felt like a weird social experiment. Our 80 inch TV screens transformed into two way mirrors, our beloved cultural cringe put to the test.

Sportsbet could create a whole same-game-multi with odds on who will score the most cultural slips, during this forced tone down of the colloquial courtesy.

Nicknames are sacred in Australia. They’re stitched into sport, stitched into life. They’re not just shorteners. They’re earned, gifted, sometimes cruel, often hilarious and always tell you something that a full name can’t.

So when the G-rated nicknames disappeared from the commentary, it didn’t just sound odd, it’s full-on awks.

A directive like this didn’t take long to have the piss out of it. With Channel 7 going in complete reverse, changing there broadcast graphics to nicknames. All connections to birth names lost.

Just ask George “T-Bone” Costanza. Nicknames can’t be forced. But maybe the same goes for un-nicknaming. Trying to scrub away that layer of the culture feels equally artificial. It’s the kind of interaction only money could buy.

This has kicked during the first season Fox Footy and Kayo’s new exclusive broadcast deal hit full swing, which saw footy fans, ahem* ‘football’ fan go without a free-to-air game on Saturdays for the first time.

It’s hard not to see the timing as linked. A paid subscription comes with an expectation of polish. And maybe that polish includes not calling someone “Chief” on national TV.

But this is footy. Our thing.

It’s not meant to be polished. It’s tribal, weird, chaotic, loud. A nickname is how you know you’re in, whether it came from the change room, the group chat, or a coach with a cruel streak.

When the whole commentary team suddenly swaps out nicknames for full Christian names, it feels sterile. A little corporate. Like someone ran footy through a compliance checker and removed the bits with character.

There’s a creeping sense of detachment to it all. A move that feels suspiciously like it came from a powerpoint rather than a press box. Some high-paid consultant somewhere, talking about “cleaner narratives” and “accessibility for new markets”.

@typemedia The Fox Footy 'no nicknames' policy was out last night and nobody listened to the producer.... #afl #aflmemes ♬ original sound - TYPEMediaau

But nicknames are the access point. They’re how a lot of people get to know players in the first place. Some fans have followed careers without ever learning the player’s real name. Nicknames are the shorthand for intimacy, in-jokes built from the core memories, the moment of glory or embarrassment that stuck. You don’t choose a nickname. You survive it.

Even McDonald’s figured this out back in 1994, trademarking ‘Macca’s’ and leaning all the way in. That wasn’t just branding, that was an acknowledgement of the Australian voice.

So what exactly is Fox Footy trying to distance itself from?

By implementing a nickname ban, it infers that free flowing use of our nicknames are wrong in some way.

You could read this as another note in the growing chorus of post-Australianism. A softening. A sanding-down of the national edges. Footy is one of the few places where that raw Australian-ness still roars out of the telly. And now, even that feels like it’s being neutralised, one syllable at a time.

This isn’t about exclusion. Some of the most brutal nicknames I’ve heard were forged in all-female friend groups, with creativity that puts the boys to shame. This isn’t about men, or testosterone, or blokey-ness. It’s about texture. Personality. Ownership.

We’re a country where if your name is short, we’ll stretch it. If it’s long, we’ll hack it. Either way, you’ll get an “o” or “ey” slapped on the end for extra tang. Nicknames are Australian culture and all are welcome.

Which raises the question: how long before “Fox Footy” rebrands as “Foxtel Football”? Their own band is a nickname, and the irony isn’t lost.

Will advertisers fall in line? If the broadcasters go formal, will adland follow in the high value adbreaks?

If there is a rethink of nicknames in ad scripts, I reckon It’s time to kill our beloved ‘Davo’ - the go-to Aussie everyman in every third ad. Davo with the sanga. Davo with the esky. The ‘Good one Davo’, for making the right choice.

Yes, nothing Australia-fies a script like slapping in a ‘Davo’ in there. But is it just lazy story telling?

I feel sorry for all the Davids our there and I can certainly feel the fatigue.

People know when they’re being sold to by someone pretending to be their mate. Were the name of the ‘everyday Aussie bloke 18-45’ persona from the marketing deck makes it into the ad.

Perhaps the overuse of ‘Davo’s have lead to decision makers seeing nicknames as a trend that can be switched off.

If we’re in a rethink moment for Aussie nicknames in brandland, maybe it’s time to double down and weirder. Let’s kill Davo and inject the nicknames that sting a bit.

The ones earned through fumbles, stuff-ups and dumb glory. Like ‘Skidz’ or ‘Dumpster’. Or ‘Butterfingers’ - my primary school nickname based on my exceptional fielding skills and perhaps the only nickname I could commit to text without getting cancelled.

Real names from real weekends. That’s the good stuff. Just chuck them in there with no context. People will get it, like Fox Footy doesn’t.

______

Culture will always find a way.

At the time of writing, Hawthorn is thrashing Collingwood on my side screen, and someone just crossed over to Jason Dunstall with a vocalised “Chief”. So maybe the ban is in retreat.

But if it’s kept, like big rule changes or humongous score graphics that we whinge about for a solid half a day, we’ll probably get used to it.

But I reckon it’ll always feel a little off.

Because there’s no higher honour than earning a nickname. No better marker of belonging. And no way we’re giving them up without a fight, or a Chomping, tall poppy-esk old fashioned piss-take if you try.

Aaron Tyler
Next

Australia Launched a Rocket. We Should’ve Lost Our Minds.